OF BIKES AND BABES

(This blogpost is meant for readers 18 and up only, because it might have content that is mistaken for sexual. Fate Analyst apologises in advance for any feelings hurt or hearts broken. The following is simply an individual observation and could spark criticism. Fate Analyst wishes to say that it is okay if you disagree, you may post it as comment or not comment at all, please don't find me and stone me to death.)

A man with a perfectly chiselled face, sporting a headgear and riding by like a gladiator on a brand new bike would probably make your legs shake and make your heart skip a beat for a few seconds in the least if you belong to the feminine class. But, to slap you with the truth, you are probably the last thing on his mind.....
Ask me why.... Because he already has the best thing in the universe and better yet, he is already on it....his BIKE ofcourse.



If you happen to be in a relationship with such a guy and you wonder why he is paying you much less attention than you feel you deserve, its probably because

a) He has a bike
b) You really deserve only that much attention considering how you are treating him
c) I mean come on! He has the best thing in the world
d) You probably got jealous when he looked at his bike and said-"She's gorgeous, isn't she?"
e) All of the above

Anyway, this was a funny incident that happened to a friend...
Guy: Hey hi! Wassup?
Girl: Hey long time, how are things?
They talk a bit and they decide to leave as they walk upto the guy's bike.
Guy: Shall we go dear?
Girl: How sweet! You are giving me a ride home.
Guy: What? Who was talking to you? I was talking to my bike.
Girl: Grrrr!

Obsession with objects have always intrigued me because I could never get myself to do that. I can understand little trinkets that loved ones give you but I could never relate to things like bike or a new table. Probably because I never owned one but I've never seen my parents or brother or anybody in my family go ga-ga over such things. That might be because of the mega unfixable generation gap but lets leave it at that. So, understanding what bikes meant to a guy really required a lot of asking questions to get the right answers. After all that, here is my conclusion to why men prefer bikes over babes.



In the following sentences, 'she' and 'her' means the bike and not the babe.

1. They get to pick the one that appeals to them the best.
2. They pay the price but its definitely worth all the money spent.



3. She doesn't care how the man looks as long as he knows a few basic things about her.


4. She takes them on the best ride.
5. She gives them that amazing adrenaline rush.
6. All she needs is to be fed and she performs.

7. She only bails on him if he doesn't feed her and bathe her.
8. She never complains.
9. She will always look gorgeous to him.
10. He will put extra efforts to dress well when he rides her and she is never against all that.
11. If he leaves her outside his house, no matter what she stays.


12. She does not need to be adorned, talked to or cuddled.
13. She carries her own light and she guides him through darkness.
14. He can take her anywhere and nobody has any problem with it, not even the people who made her.

15. If he decides he does not want her in his life, she will not come back nagging for attention and sympathy.
16. There is a deep understanding between man and machine that no words can describe, it happens in the blink of an eye and it lasts a lifetime. Its truly magical.
17. Its always always love at first sight and she is his biggest and best asset. She is his baby...


If you are banging your head to the wall wondering why men are hopeless here are a few universal facts:
Observation 1: Boys will be boys.
Observation 2: Boys love their toys.

Observation 3: Boys will do anything for their toys.

.......even break up :D

Walking the road,
Fate Analyst

Dear Parent of an under 18 kid,
If you are reading this, it could only mean that you caught your kid reading this blog or you discovered this in his/her browsing history which he/she must've forgotten to erase.
First of all let me thank you because if you've come till the end, it means you've read the post and you helped increase the viewership although you will never ever come back to this post again.
I'm sorry that your kid is smarter than you and began reading things they shouldn't maybe because you did not have time to answer their questions. I'm sure if you spend some time with the kids instead of grounding them, or beating them or sending them to stand in the corner of the room, such misunderstandings can be solved.
If you read the other posts you will understand that Born and I are genuine individuals who are keen observers and report only what we feel are the facts with a bit of sarcasm only for the sake of humour. We also have great parents like you who have inculcated good values and encouraged the right to free speech and expression.

THE FINAL RING OF FIRE

                                               

Fate Analyst is back on blogger space, perhaps for the last time as Engineering student to talk about the final ring of fire at our favourite place-The University...

They say that before you set out to accomplish something or if something good is about to happen, the heavens grow dark and it rains to shower its blessings upon us.

The night I was leaving, it was blazing hot...

Airavat is an A/C volvo bus. Their services are good and the main reason I opt to travel by that bus is because they are always always on time and I can sleep like a baby throughout the journey.
That fateful night, the bus came one hour late.


That is the conductor getting screwed up by the irritated passengers, and I took the opportunity to click a picture with my Samsung Galaxy Y  :D

On reaching Trichy, I was approached by auto drivers...

Driver: Auto madam?

Me: Beda pa! (No!) ....errr...venda pa!

:O Damn I really have to step out of Bengaluru mode and start breathing the Tamil air again....

On reaching hostel, we signed in as guests. We had to step out almost immediately for an important job.

Adhering to the dress code, Born Insatiable and I put on our kurtas (a long top) and duppatta (upper torso draping) and put one foot out. Out stepped the security woman in a labcoat.

Security: Ma! Where are you going?
Born: To the adjacent building here.
Security: Don't wear jeans beneath ma, the Vice Chancellor's door is open...
Us: Huh?
Born: Didn't I tell you we should've changed...sigh!
Me: Just 1 more day my friend....
Born: Remember the days we used to say, only 1 more year? lol.....

In case you are wondering why the Security is wearing labcoats, its so that other girls in hostel don't look at their waists when they are in saree. Weird...

Anyway, we're still figuring out how jeans are even remotely revealing...

In the department...

Student: Hey guys! We should pay Rs. 802 for hall ticket.
Us: Why? We weren't here this sem and we aren't writing any exams
Student: Thats why you guys should pay today itself because you are leaving tomorrow.
Us: !@#$%^&*()

At the office to collect the previous semester's grade sheet......

Sir to Born: 9.05, you are a girl who studies well, all the best.
Sir to Me: 8.15? What happened to you?
Me: I'm fine sir.
Sir: (Pats my back) All the best.
Me: Thanks
Did I mention that sir doesn't even know us? He he....

At the library....
Counter guy: You should clear you library dues, go inside and fill the form
In the sheet there was a blank that said 'Branch' and a long dotted line like this--> ...........................................................................................................................
and a blank that said 'Course' with a short line like this:......................................
Me: What do I write Born?
Born: Industrial Biotechnology and B.Tech.
Counter guy: What Ma? What have you written? Branch is B.Tech and Course is IBT.
He cuts and writes.
Counter guy: What is this Ma? You are making mistakes like this, you and all Engineer...
Me: Ok
Counter guy: What ok? Mistake or not?
Me: You corrected it right?
Counter guy: So? Mistake or not?
Me: Ya! Big mistake sir....Sorry..
Counter guy: You and all Engineer. Pay Rs 92 overdue fees Ma.
Me: 92? :O I doubt if I even took books from this library leave alone overdue. Sigh.
Born: One more day huh? I'm surprised at how I survived 4 years here!

At the review....
Sir1: What is this Ma? Is this how you do the project?
Sir2: What is this Ma? This is an asset, it should be neat (Scribbles all over the front page)
Sir1: Who told you to do like this?
Me: College senior sir.
Sir1: Who?
Me: SK sir
Sir1: She is M.Tech, you are B.Tech.
Me: Sir, one letter and 1 yr difference, how will project format be different?
Sir1: (quietly thinks for a minute) Is she married?
Me: No sir.
Sir1: Oh! (grins revealing his teeth)...There is one more student from our college there right?
Me: Yes sir, AS. She got married and left the company.
Sir1: Oh! Smile drops.

After a highly comical session of the project review which included me explaining how I dress up in jumpsuits to enter a sterile lab area that got the panel laughing....they were probably imagining how I looked in it.

As I stepped out of the ring of fire, I had several eyes looking at me, some worried, some surprised and some completely clueless but all with one question to ask...
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING INSIDE FOR SO LONG?

Me: It took so long? How long was I in there?
Girl1: Half hour
Girl2: More than half hour.
Me: I see, what's done is done! Its aaaaalll over, good luck to the rest of you!

Atleast I was rid of my worries by forenoon, poor Born Insatiable ended up being the last B.Tech Industrial Biotechnology candidate of the 2008-2012 batch to undergo her review that ended past 630pm.
The next couple of hours saw us travelling all the way back to Trichy bus stand (perhaps for the last time), picking the worst place to eat in and retreating to our individual buses that took us to our destinations.
And so ends the undergraduation chapter in the fine lives of Fate Analyst and Born Insatiable.

The downside of the whole affair: Lesser sarcastic humour from the circus in the blogs
The upside of the whole affair: Everything else..

While I figure out if the best thing to do next is to study further, find a job, write a book, become famous or try my hand at kung fu, you good folks have a great week....

More confused than not
Fate Analyst

TO DO

A part of me cries out loud… another laughs hysterically, over the many things that I planned to get done within the last four years. Looking at ones performance graph may not be the prettiest thing when you know you goofed up a lot. Not that I am regretting it today. But you see, there is this little tingling sensation when you think of the day you first came in. When you very well knew that you had a choice. And yet, you went against all odds, to blow it up. What a wonderful life indeed!

Well, now that I have lamented how my to do list that was made four years ago, still remains the same, I shall now move on to the blog post.

We are not the persons we were a few months ago. We have evolved into another being slowly. And later when we look back, we barely recognize ourselves. So do our little dreams and plans. How many of us keep planning to do something new and  phenomenal but just end up getting a bachelors in Engineering. Some fly of abroad, some do their PhD in India for 7 years and the rest wisely work in an IT firm. But, years ago, this would have never been our idea.

For instance, my friend wanted to get her bachelors degree in Math … but alas, since every third person on the road is an engineer, the parents decided to make her one too. All is not lost she said, I would take u math later and teach in schools. .. She is flying off to a distant land to do her PhD in biological engineering. So much for math?

Take my case, I was so sure, I wanted to do theatre at the end of school I was darn good at it too. But here I am off to Switzerland to do my masters in Biological engineering. (I have no idea who gave me a seat there)

Irrespective how our ‘to do’ list turned out to be, we turned out just fine and learnt great lessons. One of which I shall impart to the masses now. It is called the power of now! Wanna chase your dream? NOW!!! DO IT NOW! Else it will never happen. Wanna form a ROCK BAND?? Wanna learn SALSA? FRENCH? MUSIC? NOW NOW NOW .. Stop reading and get out now! Cause its now or never. It may forever be in your plans and when you realize it it may be a little too late.. like when you are seventy or eighty…. Hmmm.

What’s my friend going to do? She prefers teaching instead of math after she graduates. What am I going to do?  Get a PhD in engineering and alongside do a distant education course on theatre … what say?? 

Checking the list,

Born Insatiable